Twisted Smirk
I hate every inch on my body
Every meal, I beg myself not to eat.
But just because the pounds have not shed
doesn’t mean I am not starving.
Because nutrition does not only come from food
And the lack of eats on my insecurities
The ones that I was raised on
You did not grow up in my household
I learned from my mother how to pretend to love thy self.
You can not judge me for hating myself
Because where i come from
loving yourself was praised but never really happened
And praising yourself was loved but ended up blacking our souls,
and then they call you cocky.
Because for a short period of time you loved yourself.
They beat that out of you with their words
that will never leave your mind
“Your beautiful for a bigger girl’ and
” you can pull off that look" .
Insults that are ment to be compliments.
Create smiles that cover the tears.
And than you act like I can’t hear
like I don’t know, that I don’t own a mirror.
I see myself I promise.
I see exactly what you do.
The rolls that shouldn’t be there
Flab that makes what youre saying true
And even if I didn’t see, I would still know.
Because what you think are whispers practically scream in my face.
I can not replace your thought or your hatred toward my body.
I am pretty the way I am even if that makes me sound cocky.
Keep telling me to change though
Because obviously it works.
It shows me who is really ugly, with those twisted smirks.
(2015)
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