i cant change what i have done. I know everything i do in life has an affect. i just misapprehended what was ok and that one action could ruin the only thing i had a grasp on. i don’t know what to do anymore. everyone tells me to let go and move on. but i now i do not have the capability. i should have known better and i should have done better. i cant get this feeling out of hate for myself out of my head. i can’t move on. its not just a feeling that is holding me from doing so i is everything. i know there is a greater love between maternity than what i am feeling. but i do not feel any other love in my life. family says they do but i can’t express the same for them for how they treat me the rest of the time. the only ones i feel loved by and love for is her and my brother. and i cant tell my brother anything because he is not at the age to understand and to help me. so what do i have to hold on too? without her? nothing. like i said love is the only thing that bonds us with our physical bodies on earth. without the love i am kept from what is holding me here? nothing. if there is nothing to hold on too but a slim idea of the future there is not really anything to hold on to.
I can't let go but i cant let go to something that i lost the grasp of. i can not move on. there is nothing for me to move on towards.