Notebooks
Tens thousands of tiny notebooks filled with half-finished lists and things
I might
maybe
someday want to do….
They get stacked in boxes and tucked next to each other sloppily piled away on a shelf like the memories of you
I can’t keep straight
They gather fine sediment in the dark corners and every now and then
I visit them
And the thick dust has settled and left a deep layer
and the child inside me wants to scoop it up with a finger
to taste it…
Let the filth dissolve in my mouth and stick in the back of my throat like all the words I have been trying to tell you
but hopelessly choked on
instead
Today I bought a tiny notebook
I promised myself I’d finish the scribbled lists and fill the pages with valuable ideas
like I always told myself I was valuable to
you
Like I promised myself I wouldn’t fall in love
But your smile, like the creamy new pages of a notebook yet undiscovered, will always break my will
bending me back into a helpless heart that knows nothing more than
unconditional love
(2013)
