Free
An ode to my ex
Leaving you was the hardest decision I have ever made.
I was nervous,
Happy,
Scared,
Relieved,
Bitter,
Exhausted.
Sleep brought me no reprieve.
Reality was nothing like I wanted.
The movie of our lives became too painful to watch,
Let alone having a starring role.
As I left, I couldn’t feel a thing for you
Other than agony.
I spent years trying to pull from you the things
That I no longer felt:
Love,
Empathy,
Happiness,
Trust,
Respect.
All of the things that make any relationship were long gone,
Yet I still clung on just a little.
Once I walked out of the door of our family home,
I knew I was never going back.
I couldn’t go back to the relentless arguing over
Who did the dishes last or how you had no money to spend.
It was all so frivolous.
I bet you don’t even know what that word means.
No longer would I settle for your tiny intellect,
Lovelessness,
Addiction,
Dishonesty,
Malice,
Bondage.
After a few days, I began to feel something inside me stirring.
The flutters almost felt like emotional butterflies dancing
Through my veins.
I think I began to live again.
It was like a slow-motion transition to the
Next chapter in a book that was too long anyway.
Weeks went by, one by one, quicker and quicker.
It has been three months of unthawing
And seeing the world through jaded lenses.
The shell around me has started to crumble,
Allowing me to come inside.
My heart has begun to pump blood and
The mud has cleared away.
Today, I feel like myself,
Serene,
Happy,
Clumsy,
Reckless,
Free.
