Writing: Prisoner
Nightmares,
Lurk behind the corners of my war addled heart
From those nights locked away in a cramped room
No lights to chase the darkness away
No kind words to ease the pain
Trapped alone in the back if a building
The ache so deep I could feel the crater inside
Like a grenade had detonated in the wake of fresh plucked innocence
Restless nights filled with tossing and turning
Turbulence quaking through my sleep at the slightest sound
Fear coursing through my veins
Playing me like a broken marionette
Shuddering in terror of the dark shadows coming back to my blood stained sheets
Caged away like a prisoner in a place with bars around my heart put the iron clad windows of this cage to shame
The bars were meant to keep me in but they did nothing to keep me sane
I wore the body of a starving child; ribs showing, pale flesh, the effects of malnutrition written upon my young weathered features
Hidden beneath bruises
Surviving, hardly existing, on a morning ration of beans to get me through the long days and the even longer nights
I’d fall upon the ground hearing the Iron lock latch on the other side of the door
Listen with strained ears for the footsteps to fade away before climbing up from the ground to barricade the door with the few furnishings in the room
Gazing at the sliver of visible stars through tear blurred eyes
Sleep only found me when I’d choked on my silent sobs, soaking my pillow of sand night after night in a multitude of tears
My deepest fears registering in my mind and playing across the land of dreams behind my closed eyelids
That old beat up blue Chevelle front and center in my dream
It was hurdling towards a cliff
A family who wanted nothing to do with me on their thrones back home
Before me the cliff’s ledge was fast approaching
Behind me my siblings stood safe on solid ground
My mother locking me in the car as I pounded helplessly against the window with tears and screams flooding the car as she waltzed away laughing
Mocking me with words of how unwanted I was
I’d wake up screaming just as the car was about to become scrap metal at the bottom of the cliff
Shaking so badly the whole ground rocked
Knowing without KNOWING that there was an inevitable oblivion I’d have to face before my number was up
The nightmares within my nightmares
There was no escape
Plucked from one hell to another
My mind is a war zone these days
The nightmares creeping up on me with their icy fingers clutching at my soul
I was rescued years later but here I am now
Years of regret under my belt
And my mind remains a prisoner of a war I survived
(2015)
