January 1st 2015.
I thought he’d ask.
I thought he’d bring in new year with more than my legs wrapped around him.
I thought we’d officially join eachother in communion.
I thought last night was the night.
Love surfs like waves across our ocean bed
His name plays melodies in my head
I breathe the air he exhales, each time becoming a part of him,
I am a part of him
Though we are not apart it hurts that we didn’t come together.
Partially my fault bcuz out of fear I say we need more time but each moment we are not together feels purposeless.
Each moment I am without him I carry him in my stride
And if he ever was to leave me it’ll tear apart the best parts of me
He helped to build the best part of me
From his hands, I drank thirstily.
From his back, I fed.
From his eyes, I got assurance that I am good and I’ll be good even when life was horrible
This man and I, honestly, are meant to be something.
And maybe we’re meant to be just who we are but last night, I thought it’d happen. After
Years of wanting me he stalls and after giving in and waiting to be caught..
I feel like he’s purposely keeping a space between us that I yearn to fill so I call and chase and tell him I love him and stroke his body while pulling his hair and telling my secrets and sharing my secrets.
Still, he’s not mine.
And I’m not his.
And it’s okay if I decide to live because why live chasing a dream that’s in arms reach but is planted to firmly to come into you?