Captive
I’m lost, trapped, being held captive
By my own mind.
How is this possible you ask?!
Well just ask the monsters in my head, they seem to scare the ones
Under my bed.
You see I’m a prisoner of my own mind
I can’t escape
I can’t leave
It’s fate.
They hold me down and feed me lies, the deceit, the grief
The self-peaty, the self-hatred, the pain.
But yet they hide themselves from others. Why? So people can say
Oh she just wants attention, when really I want help
I’m screaming but they’re covering
My mouth.
They don’t want you to hear or see just what’s happening
To me.
Hell, I don’t even know, I’m trying to find out
Because what I think I know
Is what I think is happening here, when really there’s something deeper
Then what I think I feel, what I think is real
There’s something deep down inside
Of me.
Something, I don’t know what, but it wants to be set free.
I’m tired of being me
Of everyone thinking I’m okay.
Well here’s the truth I’m not, I mean I have my happy moments
Where would I be without them?
But I’m not okay
I’m not happy.
I make it seem that way so people won’t ask me what’s wrong.
I wanted them to know, because I wanted them to see how much I hurt
To help me find out what’s wrong
What can this be.
But now I wanna hide, I wanna cry but I don’t want anyone
To hear me
I don’t want anyone to see.
I’m slowly slipping away, but as always people can’t see
And this time I don’t want them to.
There better off without
The stress I cause in their lives
The things I make them go through.
The truth hurts so I won’t tell them; I won’t hurt them like I did
Before by not being good enough.
Or maybe because I didn’t want to
I didn’t like it.
Or maybe because I brought this all on myself.
Yeah, that’s it.
(2014)
