Am I the only adult who becomes uneasy in the darkness?
Not scared because of a childish fear, but uneasy none the less
I don’t fear the monsters or the spectacles of my imagination
I’m tainted by the facts and autobiographies
I have adult like reasoning
But am I the only one that the dark makes uneasy?
Do you not know?
Am I the one adult who recalls all too well what happens in the darkness?
Isn’t it where you scan endlessly and pointlessly?
In a place that moments before was just a room…or a dark alley
But now will be the place of the scene
The one you can never forget but seems so surreal that it becomes just that…
Where you’re looking in on the helpless girl
Watching the innocence forcefully leave
The darkness is suiting now…like in a theatre
But still I’m the only adult that the dark makes uneasy?
Do your eyes not shift quickly trying to find the light like mine?
Watching yet seeing nothing as you grasp at the black surrounding
Isn’t that when the desperation sets in?
When you realize you can’t see an escape
Moving forward and hitting barriers
You can’t see it, but you can feel that you’re cornered
He lets it be known that he’s not done yet
And the darkness plays as his accomplice and best ally
It’s all of our villains’ undeniable tool
And yet I’m the only adult that the dark makes uneasy?
Maybe because I know all too well what happens in the darkness?
It’s not a childish fear…
I have my adult like reasoning
I try to put you in the back of my mind but you always wind up in the back of my heart
And those matters leave me with no control, a fight left futile
Vision blurred, an ache unseen, and thought process torn apart
Convincing myself to give up repeatedly, dreaming of you all the while
Every morning spent waking to the jagged pieces of my own fallen heart
Clenching at the broken part of me as I roll up to the edge of my bed, feet dangling
Shaking my head ridding myself of the latest images of you, getting ready for another start
Planting my feet again when I just want to fall back down, the easiest thing being collapsing
The pain is inside of me with no destination; but somewhere I know the physicality isn’t real
It’s numbing and torturous; filling and creating a void with passion and the inhumane
Telling myself a heart can’t really break despite this ache I can’t pretend to feel
I try getting up while avoiding the black framed mirror set in front of me
It’s usually perfect placement allows me to see what this never after has done
My reflection is what proves that there is a broken heart that belongs to the girl I use to be
All the aches and jagged edges become real, refuting all of logics’ claims, leaving none
One look in my eyes and I know…then the tears are in danger of flooding
At times I’ll allow one or two to fall just as I’m about to apply my cover up
The perfect name for the product that swipes them away as my smile is being placed, I’m applying
Then the rest adds a sparkle of life to the eyes, not too much, but just enough
As I walk out the door now only I can see that today I’ve awoken with a broken heart
Placing you in the back of my mind again, knowing tomorrow we’ll be back to yesterday mornings’ start…