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Everything is so damn broken

Modern day ennui,
for the daily malady
my true self is hidden, see?
Yet Holy Spirit set me free.
 
I am guilt-ridden,
sheep-like and debt-ridden,
yet time is right, light yoke.
No more regrets that I didn’t.
 
I am set free,
by Christ’s sacrifice.
I am privileged to be
a good man, and nice.
 
...
 
Like the dam, broken–
letting the river banks flood.
They flood my life,
wanting to fight.
 
I am so tired
then revived again,
tired again,
revived and tired and revived
and tired again.
 
Sick of it so.
The ancient Israelites
followed the Geezer calendar
every day and every night.
 
The crops grow
(sometimes they don’t)
if the rains flow,
(sometimes they won’t)...
 
Sick of it so.
Traditions be damned,
I need rain on my flower parade,
to be free from barrenness again

Being in college and studying the Bible can be both uplifting and depressing. I wrote this shortly after being told to Obey Christ and Tithe by my senior pastor. I am still wrestling with my finances, scarcity and abundance, for the sake of giving away to bless others.

What is the point? Why does God test me so much. It is to produce perseverance, and resilient faith. That is my faith

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