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Unduly

I have seen my own death,
it isn’t pretty.
My face as a corpse is unkempt.
It’s ok, I wasn’t perfect.
 
It is strange,
the energy which we summon
to pursue our immediate lives,
it can ebb and flow to no end.
 
The ebb and flow
of madness is a malady
one must dutifully accept.
The horror of it, hopefully redeemable.
 
God spoke to me and said,
you have to remember the past,
it is good to remember the past,
otherwise it’s all meaningless.
 
God and meaningful life.
What more can I ask for?
Is it better to conform the spirit
to the rules of life
 
or to break them and be cursed?
 
Be cured or be cursed,
like a corpse with a face
no one can recognize.
I thought these things
 
as I took my insurance license exam and
pleaded for ways to make a living.
To put off the thoughts of death,
if even only for a moment of my time.
 
Forever and ever,
a spindle of thoughts
going round and round,
consuming one's life as they
think about the afterlife.
 
All too common excessive thoughts.

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