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The man with the black top hat, anxiety man.
He came to my door, and shook my hand.
Said, fear is near, you must shed a tear.
You think this is bad, oh just wait a year.

I let him in, poured him tea.
He complimented me on my misery.
Said, “Darling, you’ll never be free.”
How he arrived, is a mystery.

I told him it was time to go.
The man with the hat said, no.
I need to sleep, I need some rest.
He wont go until  my anxiety, is at its best.

Who are you? Do you exist?
“Only where loved ones are missed.”
He walked away an blew a kiss.
He cackled at my clenched fist.

I went to sleep with quite a delight.
Anxiety man was out of sight.
When I wake up, he’ll arrive again.
Just to lie and, say he is my friend.

I believe him and, I let him stay.
Because anxiety never goes away.

why do I feel so much?
care so much?
so in touch?

“nice guys” finish last
your kindness was a thing of the past
I wish those old feelings would last

the future, so daunting
my past so haunting
leaving, and you’re flaunting

will you miss me, will you care?
are the feelings even there?
do you ever feel despair?

does your humour hide the truth?
my humour keeps my youth.
words you misuse
tongue twister for the blues

Its too late now, words are spoken
I give you gratitude, as a token.

What I gave to you, is a piece of me,
I close my eyes, cannot look can’t see.

I move forward, no turning back,
Work for wealth, yet wealth I lack.

Spoken words I regret,
Being me, is a triple threat.

The world has seen the untouchable,
Now my words have become, combustable.

I cannot take it back, no refunds,
I am not my number one

Everything seems to be bogging me down,
Almost like it’s my fault..
Like I could’ve done something differently.
Where did I go wrong?
People seem to cut negative vibes out of their lives.
I do the same,
Maybe that’s why I am always alone.
Im bitter because of nostalgia..
I do not believe I am worth much.
Guilt is bogging me down,
Or maybe it’s because I am not in the right place.
Money and society strapping me down.
Trivial things putting heavy burdens on my shoulders.
Am I disillusioned?
Or can I not handle ..this waking life?

What if you knew that truth,
 that wasn’t the truth.
Fabricated version of the truth...
a romanticized version of the truth.
An, outward knowing about the truth.
An intense knowledge about the truth.
The truth that cannot be spoken, truth.
Say it one more time, word has no meaning truth.
Deep down you know the truth, truth.
If nobody knows the truth,
Is it even the truth?

Put your best foot forward!

But, I am cursed with two left feet.
Running in circles.
Ironically, no ends meet.

Reckless behaviour,
Not, I am my saviour.
Nor, are you my saviour.

Flash back memories,
Open eyes, blind mind.
I wish I could see,
The thing that has become me.

I am sorry my phrases,
Seem like phases.
They don’t match actions,
Only places.
In my head, can’t replace this.

I need a place with open spaces,
No familier faces,
Temporarily, flowerless vases.
Run away from the daily races.

And just breath in air,
To these empty lungs.
No more despair.
I am not so bad, I need to be fair.
Look in the mirror, recognize what’s there.

Because soon,
morning, night, noon.
I’ll put my best foot forward.
Even when the future, blurred.
My words meaningless, slurred.
You’ll see the truth in my eyes.
No lies, no surprise.
No disguise.
Just me.

Putting my best foot forward.

Its wrestling with an emotion unheard of
A guilt that has been burned up,
transferred up and stirred up.

An abandonment to an unknown promise.
So loyalty turns into the memory– abyss.

You no longer have my word,
 truth spoken,  truth heard.
I am detached from your world.
Words disillusioned and swirled.

Not attached to the words, that slip my mouth.
My moral compass doesn’t point due –south.
I still love what is you, my thoughts are askew.

I’ve ruined not only me, but the name of you.
I bow my head for forgiveness, and my words
of impulsiveness.

Im sorry for the evil that spurred from my tongue,
I am naive and young.
Not pure as I pretend to be,
Guilt, I wish to be set free.

Its Sunday..bloody Sunday, have I said too much?
The words slip out of my mouth like poison, I remember your touch.

When they know their in the wrong, yet you cannot speak a word.
Partially at fault, for letting it move forward.
I am partially at fault, partially to blame.
However, your look to everyone is quite the same.
Flirtatious behaviour, turns to your stories and questions.
We speak about our lives, in just a waking moment with no bad intentions.
I cannot speak a word, because I know you’ll deny it.
However, I see the way you look at me and you cannot try and hide it.
All the moments shared, that noone will ever know,
When shit hits the fan so does denial, and that is how the story goes.

On my end, I said too much too,
I regret it, but never regret you.
You practically begged at that point to speak to me,
We talked about souls, and I thought about eternity.
Not eternity with you, but as we spoke nothing mattered,
In the daytime, it is ignored, illusions shattered.

Yet, you still seek my approval, because you know deep down
our conversations.. actually really mattered.
So I promise to you I will keep it confidential,
You look at me mad, but you know I am a good person, with potential.

Sometimes my actions don’t match my words,
It feels kind of absurd.
That when I speak, I don’t always feel heard.
Think a thought, speech is slurred.
Open mic, spoken word.

I act before I think, think before I act,
Speak, like a matter of fact.
I talk but, are my words intact?
I speak knowledge but, how do I know that?

Feeling kind of disconnected lately,
Everything seems kinda shady.
Looking through a glass mirror of daze, see?
Words mumbled silently.

I put my blind folds on, and plow through.
These changes seem inevitable and, see-through.
Life’s an open venue.
Im just re watching the last show.
How do you expect me to let go?

I feel the pain of self discovery.
Mental and, physical recovery.
Flashbacks, tears, laughter, and honestly–
Id rather be by myself and, overseas.

Rising sun,
go to sleep
A new day has begun.

Wake up, afternoon,
Close my eyes,
Get up, see you soon.

Shower, breakfast change,
Close eyes,
Clean, rearrange.

Leave home,
Work, 'alone’.

Come home again,
close eyes,
Do it all my friend.

Two weeks,
Dreams, she seeks.

I would rather be on cloud nine,
In my fantasy world, in this world I am fine.
Taking my soul away from my body,
So these aching feelings don’t haunt me.
Indie flicks and detachment,
I think of you as enchantment.
A beautifully, horrifying tease,
Oh great “queen” that I’d like to please.
Heart that mocks a cold one,
In disguise with an old one.
We both wear masks everyday,
But im inevitable, what can I say.
I’ll keep talking to you like a hobbie,
A sweet drug that is always robbed of me.
Innocent with a wrecked mind,
In beauty I will never find..

Thinking of you gives me chills down my spine
I want you, I want you to be mine
can we help eachother unwind,
I love you, and im loosing my goddamn mind
you're so beautiful, ruining yourself
yet so am I, is this just ourselves?
I know where you live now
stalker or hopeless romantic not sure now