A Person?

While Mr. Jamison was walking his dog in the woods one day, he stepped on a big rock and turned his ankle in the process. What a klutz. His house wasn’t too far away, so he was able to limp back home. His ankle swelled up a bit, so he thought he had better call a doctor and have him take a look at it. He found the number and proceeded to give him a call. He wasn’t very adept at taking directions from the automated telephone system, so he forced himself to be very cognizant to the voice telling him where to direct his call. He was very apprehensive as he dialed the number.
“Hello,” said the voice. “You have reached the office of Dr. Smutzelbottom,” then a long silence. “Would you like to speak to the doctor? Hello, hello.” “Are you a real person?’ Said Mr. Jamison, “Am I being transported back to the past where they had real people answering the phone? I’d better comb my hair when I talk to you. Were you actually born in the womb like other human beings were? If I pinched you, would you react to the pinching? Do you eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, and etc? Do you laugh and cry? Are you a representative of the people in the future telling what the future will be like? Or are you just visiting, getting ready to board your spaceship and zoom back into the future again?
Maybe you are a rebel defying all automatic phone systems. If you are, could you sign me up to join you in your rebellion? We could organize a coop and call it the T.A.A.P.S.I.T.T.C. rebellion. (Throw all automatic phone systems in the trash can.) You can be president and I could be the vice-president. We could become famous. Maybe all other nations will join in and throw their phone systems in the trash can. That’s just where they all belong; right in the trash can.”
Then there was a long pause. Then the voice said, “Did I hear you say, I would like to speak to Dr. Cashman?”  “No, I said trash can!” replied the furious Mr. Jamison. Then the voice said, “If you have a medical emergency, please call 9-1-1. If you would like to speak to the main hospital, please say one. If not, please say two.”
“What the hell’s going on over there?” said Mr. Jamison. Then the voice proceeded to say, “We are the voices of the future, programmed to antagonize you, you automatic telephone system rebels, you humanity lovers, you fed up with the times madman, you maniac, you technological idiots. You thought we were human. Too bad for you, he-he-he-he, we got you there, he-he-he-he–, we got you there, he-he-he-he. You thought we were human.”

Those automatic phone answering systems sure drive me nuts alright.

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