I’m just to jealous. I don’t know where to stop. The little light bulb on my head blows & crashes down on me. I think the possible worst, & it’s not okay. Because I act on my thoughts. I push away people when really I want to reach out closer & pull them into me to ease the pain. I tell you to go away but in all honestly I want you to refuse to leave me alone because it’s some sick twisted game we play. I want to yell & scream at you. But then I want you to hold me & tell me you love me. When I come back to my senses & I want to be level headed. I expect you to be there open armed & so forgiving. But that’s not you, that’s wrong of me to expect, & It’s wrong of me to act that way. I have no right to be angry because you won’t give me a second chance to speak how I really feel. So now I’m laying in bed alone caught in the blue pondering if I should even bother. I hurt you & I hurt myself. If you knew how I felt it would send you running away & pulling me by my arm at the same time. If I could reveal the darkest parts of myself & maybe you could find light in there. Maybe, just maybe you could learn to love me. None of this makes sense but neither does how I feel. Everything pours out eventually.
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