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Ode to the Sublime Porte
Great Sultan, how wise are thy state compositions!
And oh, above all, I admire that Decree,
In which thou command’st, that all she politicians
Shall forthwith be strangled and cast in the sea.
'Tis my fortune to know a lean Benthamite spinster —
A maid, who her faith in old Jeremy puts;
Who talks, with a lisp, of the “last new Westminster,”
And hopes you’re delighted with “Mill upon Gluts”;
Who tells you how clever one Mr. Fun—blank is,
How charming his Articles 'gainst the Nobility; —
And assures you that even a gentleman’s rank is,
In Jeremy’s school, of no sort of utility.
To see her, ye Gods, a new number perusing —
Art. 1 —“On the Needle’s variations”, by Pl—e;
Art. 2 —By her fav’rite Fun—blank —so amusing!
“Dear man! he makes poetry quite a Law case.”
Art. 3 —"Upon Fallacies", Jeremy’s own —
(Chief Fallacy being, his hope to find readers); —
Art. 4 —“Upon Honesty”, author unkown; —
Art. 5 —(by the young Mr. M—) “Hints to Breeders”.
Oh, Sultan, oh, Sultan, though oft for the bag
And the bowstring, like thee, I am tempted to call —
Though drowning’s too good for each blue—stocking hag,
I would bag this she Benthamite first of them all!
And, lest she should ever again lift her head
From the watery bottom, her clack to renew —
As a clog, as a sinker, far better than lead,
I would hang round her neck her own darling Review.
