The Cold Never Bothered Me
Life, the universe, consciousness, society, it’s all full of metaphors, coincidence, and connections. A few examples that seem to have nothing in common are as follows: Disney movies, use of large words, death, and video games. Spoiler alert: they all have my life in common. Video games are a prime example of a free world where I can make my decisions, my outcome, and my control. They’re just about the only tangible thing I feel I have control over. Second, death, skulls, and dark colors. I feel, in a pitiful, dark worlded way, that I am dead, or half dead... kinda like a zombie. I feel like my life is in no way, conscious. I feel like I’m being controlled by an autopilot software has been deviously downloaded into my head and it is doing everything that doesn’t involve creativity. Then there’s the “sophisticated discourse” or “fancy speakin’ words”. The use of these overbearing terms possibly stems from the inner need for me to find the right terminology for the deep emotions I have. The dark unrelenting spear that penetrates my very soul. Lastly, I come to find that, as cliché as it may seem, the recent Disney film, “Frozen”, has a lot of meaning in my life. Not the “finding true love where you least expect it”. Nor the “friendship is a meaningful and prosperous benefit”. However, the connection I see, is one with the feelings of Queen Elsa. Not that I have magical power or anything... but that I feel the need to, as Elsa’s father puts it best, “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them in”. I feel I deserve to live in an isolated and cold place, away from everyone I could possibly harm. I feel no one need waste time tending to me, or trying to help me. The only part I have trouble connecting to, is the happy ending. The part that makes it all worth while. The part that makes me see how unpurposeless and destructive my life is on others. I haven’t, nor do I feel I will ever, find my place in my Arendale.
