Conversations.
Something i thought during a party.
The door opens with shaky hands,
every word spoken misunderstood,
too cautious on every topic, exhausting,
to open the conversation, annoying.
Observing every detail about strangers,
wondering if it’s hard for them too,
or if they feel a warming welcoming.
Not a burden, but a pleasant companion,
while for you is the opposite, it’s scary.
Feeling comfortable for an hour or two,
but then something strange happens,
thoughts clipping into your mind.
Until you feel upset about yourself.
Because you don’t know where to start or stop,
don’t recognize if you have gone too far.
Either you’re consumed by the environment,
or by your own twisted brain,
whispering how you don’t belong there.
Reciting every flaw in your speech and looks,
and you go home consumed by these thoughts,
without even an excuse for your behavior,
no one sane would ever understand you.
And you become paranoid, or is it natural?
To feel that way? For it to hurt so bad?
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