Insomnia
Numbness
Fatigue
Pain
Heartbreak
Sadness
Anxiety
Pressure
Fear
Emotions flooded her mind
As she lay awake at night
She was destined for greatness
At least that’s what her father always
Told people
“She was destined for greatness
Smart and beautiful
Talented and driven.”
The tears began to reside in the inner
Corner of her eyes
Anxiety moved from her groin and hips,
To the pit of her stomach, to her chest
Where it sat
Those tears, they began to build, but
They could not fall…
They were built up, her tear ducts
Would not burst
Numbness
She had to think of something painful
Something too painful to bear
Like the voice of her best friend saying they were suicidal
Or the fighting between her family
Every night as she lie awake in her bed
As her brother gambled away any cent
He had to his name
And she was numb
She wanted to feel, but she couldn’t
The only person that allowed her to
Feel anything, allowed her to be here, in
The present, he pushed her away
He broke anything that was left of her
Heart and in time she felt nothing
Well she felt it all, but didn’t know how
To express it
She was destined for greatness her
Father always told people
Graduated top of her class, with
Honors in fact…
But it didn’t matter
Who did she have to share it with?
And the pressure
“She was destined to be great.”
How could she live up to that?
What were her parents to think
If she failed?
She could not bear to disappoint
How could life be so perfect
But at the same time be…
So…
Dreadful?
These were the thoughts that kept
Her up at night
The numbness
The pain
The buildup of tears that stung
Her sinuses and the inner
Corner of her eyes
Until finally… Release
Those tears came out like a monsoon
Consuming any thought she had left
Leaving her pillow damp and wet
And finally, she exhausted herself
Physically and mentally
And she could just sleep.
Peacefully and sound.
Until the darkness turned to day
Where she would wake
Just saddened again,
Knowing she would be going through
The same routine the next night
Over and over and over again.
~AAS
