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Strength in Vulnerability

For those who have the confidence to become vulnerable and to commit to the “unknown”,
And those who do not have it... yet.

Hardwired into the very fiber of our being, every human has a primitive ego defense mechanism that negates even an iota of possibility of becoming vulnerable or, sugar coating aside, weak. Most, if not all, of us desire to be strong, grounded, and foolproof against the odds; always afraid to become hopeful of yet another build-up to a later let-down. And the moment we realized that there was barely a thin line between our “comfort zone” and “courage zone”, our natural tendency is to curl up in the fetal position and refuse to give in to it. In the first place, who in this world is into getting hurt?

While we have such fear, as human beings, we also have an intrinsic desire to feel connected. A couple of months back from this writing, I’ve read an article about a vulnerability research. The researcher realized that great joy, meaning, and true love only come to those who acknowledge and embrace their own vulnerability and the vulnerabilities of others. She also discovered that there was only one variable separating the people who felt connected from those who felt alone: having the confidence to be vulnerable. They were able to commit to the unknown—to say “I love you” or “I miss you” first, to start a company, not to mention to initiate sex. They were confident enough to embrace uncertainty and the possibility of being rejected, because they saw their vulnerability as a strength.

I was reading in awe, only to find out that I had been engrossed in the idea—caught off guard by the confluence of my yearning for something indefinite and the researcher’s unsolicited response. Thoughts merry-go-rounded in my brain over and over until they bred a chain of insights and dawned on me. I’ve come to realize that this vulnerability idea, like diamond, is multifaceted.

Little did we know we face it more often than we could imagine. We’ve been dealing with it every single day, even in the most mundane points in our lives. The mere act of cracking a conversation with a total stranger, or getting in touch with someone you’ve lost contact for ages—may it be in personal, through a social networking site or otherwise—are an utter manifestation of one yielding to his/her own messy vulnerability.

This thought of committing to the unknown can also be incorporated into faith. People who believe in anyone or anything they had never seen, heard, touched, or proved to be existing; those who believe that there is a Supreme Being—put their trust in Him especially in their moments of unknowing, stand strong in His might despite the circumstances beyond their sanity—can also be regarded as vulnerable, so to speak.

Call it cliché but I just can’t not drag “love” in to this. I believe this is the quintessence of the virtue of vulnerability. Most of us are lured by the idea of falling in love, and yet when it knocks on our heart, we usually take two steps forward, three steps back. Driven by our pride and shackled by our fears, urging us on to stay within our comfort zone, play it safe and get rid upfront of an unfavorable repercussion, we tend to recoil when we run upon advice like “Just fall for once. Let yourself fall.” A song about few of decades ago captured that philosophy with the words “Be weak, if you want to love.”

An attempt to restore a relationship that once went south—as much as committing to a relationship does—takes a lot of nerves to gain a foothold. Worthy to reiterate, embracing our vulnerability is the key.

They say “With great risk comes either great joy or great sorrow.” I say, trust your intuition and be vulnerable enough to commit to the unknown. If that unknown reveals a hurting upshot, do not despair for this will surely come to pass. Indulge yourself in any emotion—bittersweetness of having an unrequited love, frustration of being cheated on or taken for granted, excruciating feeling of rejection or betrayal—because if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them, you’ll just be too occupied being afraid and you can never get to being detached from them. See? Sometimes in order for us to get detached, we first have to get attached. On the other extreme, if your courage to commit to the uncertain breeds great joy, happiness might be until far beyond lifetime.

How many of us are confronted with that eponymous question, “What if?”? What if I had taken a chance? What if I had pursued him/her? What if I had forgiven him/her and started our relationship afresh? We are left wondering and pestered by a myriad of our own version of would-haves and should-haves.

According to The Happiness Code, “Being happy is not a privilege, but it’s something everyone deserves.” Since the world will not devote itself to making you happy, you might just as well have got to take charge. And if being happy and being vulnerable should come hand in hand, so be it. Sometimes, you’re supposed to be weak because it’s all part of you getting to the next part of yourself.

For old time’s sake, I would like to end this with a rhetorical question: Until when are you going to be strong like a bud  so upright and rigid, but was never opened and dainty enough to dance in the breeze?

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