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My Sweet Redemption
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I sit here hugging my knees crying on the floor.
I am so scared, so confused, the knife sitting there like a sweet savior.
Only for a second I think about the reckless behavior.
I then think to myself, this doesn’t end the pain.
The pain is never ending, only a cut, a new scar, is the gain.
I see the .22 in my dad’s gun case.
I look around and inspect the house, no one’s home, not a trace.
I take it out, hold it in my hands, the weight feels like nothing.
I put the bullets in without thinking.
I put it against my skull, feeling the point lightly touch my head.
I pull the trigger, a strange buzz runs through my mind and then I can see, but all is red.
I look down, my body lifeless on the floor.
A pounding rings in the room, then the opening of my room’s door.
Shouting, crying, denying the truth of my death, my suicide.
Hating, contemplating why couldn’t I have just tried.
I look and see again the darkness and I smile.
I know I have left behind all the ones that love me, but I am at rest now, I no longer feel like I am an exile.
The darkness will surround you when you come to the place.
Just try and find me, I will be the one with the blood across her pure white face.
(2013)
