Depression/Anxiety
One day we talked about trains and I asked what train you were on and you replied, “The kind where the sun isn’t sad when it sets, and the ground hugs your feet when you walk across it because it is happy to see you.” I remember this because I thought to myself, “What train am I on?”
I’m on the train to I don’t know where, where the sun sets up and down within seconds because it doesn’t know how to do its job, and where reality is a crushing weight that leaves you begging for more air but you can still breathe for the most part and all the while the air is also poisonous.
The world isn’t such a bad place, but it is when you feel the need to erase all of the emotions that you hold inside of yourself, that you need to sleep forever or not sleep at all because you are inside of yourself, creating a crushing sense of what you view as reality. You question every letter on every page of everything you read because maybe the world is just a lie and you are already dead inside. You only feel safe when in a small space that you control and feel like the president of your own little world inside of your head where time stops and erases all of the bad memories you have for the day and then, like a switch, creates new new ones that didn’t really happen, but you are afraid that they will happen.
