Ruby Tears
The future catches my attention,
that’s where my legs want to leap.
But instead my legs weep,
they weep ruby tears.
My veins cry and surrender to my fears.
Oh dear, my pitiful poor veins.
Hope feels impossible to obtain.
I feel like I have caved in, it’s over now.
This is it, the end.
I now take an unprideful bow.
I caused destruction
because the logic parts to me malfunctioned
and I became a slave to the screaming in my head.
As I began to feel restless I realized I didn’t want to feel dead.
So I returned to what makes me feel alive.
It reminds me that I have a soul.
But it also widens the gaping hole
that swallows my sanity.
Was this action done out of vanity?
I found myself stuck in the quicksand of self pity.
But as I was sinking arms had reached toward me,
help was being offered,
but the sand seemed to become softer and softer.
The comfortability was hypnotic.
But this pain is toxic,
and my attraction to it is exotic.
This addiction..
I need to block it,
fight it,
overcome it.
I will be obeyed by my temptation.
I don’t get a vacation,
this is a full time job;
a constant battle.
The ringing of the screaming stings as it rattles,
but this is my life,
I will conquer my strife.
Pain and fear will attempt to barge in
But guess what? I am in charge in this vicinity;
the head chief.
I am a warrior.
I am not inferior.
I will wipe my ruby tears
that twinkle with a dim somberness.
I will smile.
Because happiness is mine to be kept.
Those ruby tears will cease to be wept.
I have leapt,
into the future and
I am looking up now
and somehow,
I finally see the hands offering help.
This sand is not a friend of mine
It is an enemy, it is not kind.
Despite the solace it gives me,
I wont let it hug me tight,
because it is a deception and I need to start putting up a fight.
I refuse to be swallowed.
I will not be hollow.
I won’t be empty,
I will strive to feel alive in ways that won’t harm me.
I will disarm me,
nothing to hurt me.
I have many choices,
and I can finally say that I choose to be
happy.
By far the most personal thing I've shared about myself on here. To those who relate and understand, I hope this gives you hope and inspiration.
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