Little uneasy with those jokes so very cheesy
Can’t help but smile wide can’t help but be captured by the tide
Falling out from within and tumbling into each wave
The lifeguard is bored such a bother to save
You giggle you snort
But your head’s a mess and you must abort
Ah yes your happiness contradicts your conflicts you ol’ sorrow addict and you’re back at it once again my friend you drown in your tears you are swallowed by hypnotizing fears while you dance and you sing oh how could this be?
So very sweet lovely and charming
The tectonic plates to your brain seem to shift oh how alarming
You are caving in on yourself, weren’t you just filled with bliss?
Oh dear what did I miss?
Your facial expressions tell the slickest lies of all
Your happiness shoots high into the blue sky too confident to pay attention to the fall
Bubbles of anger are oozing
And when it comes to your mood there is no choosing
Though you were just encouraging yourself,
Matters change rather drastically
Until you become your own bully.
A constant battle always at war
Always fighting but not always sure what for
What do I desire?
My temptations are dire.
What do I seek?
Is it really all that bad to feel so bleak?
Not sure where to aim
I feel so confused.. Depression is so lame.
I want to understand
Why it’s so easy to get lost at sea far away from land.
Drowning in emotions
Trying to calm the commotion.
Trying my hardest never was good enough until I realized I wasn’t trying my hardest.
It is so simple to be led astray
To be confined by night and lose sight of the day
So much easier to rely on gravity and fall than to get back up
Every change in my mood seems so abrupt
I was just laughing I’m not ready to cry
Why are there tears streaming across my face
Now landing on my pillowcase?
I thought I was fine
What is my subconscious trying to tell me?
I was so calm
You mean,
I’m not okay?
Fine I’ll let it all out
Not sure what this is all about
But here we go again I’m sobbing and it feels like I hit a dead end.
I’m not a crybaby
I am crybaby.
A walking tear
Just a fountain of sorrow that never fails to malfunction and spray everywhere
Soaking everyone from toes to your hair
I’m sorry
Can’t hold back
My feelings aren’t intact
Its stability that I lack
Nothing is secure and now a ripple cripples me and I find myself with a smile
Psh won’t last very long but let’s enjoy it for awhile!
Socialize and laugh, confident proud and flying high
Shortly after followed by a depressing sigh
Who am I and what is my purpose?
Everything is resting on the surface..
My anger
My fear
My sadness
My happiness
Nothing is organized in files
But strewn about the kitchen tiles
Flying everywhere untamed and hard to bare.
This is unfair,
I just want my security back.
Maybe it would be better if I tossed my feelings in the paper shredder.
To not address them or face them pretend like they are invisible…
Oh no they are divisible and
Divide rapidly like viruses crawling to every inch of me..
Leaving me suffocated by disease
I am begging now on my knees
Exit my system PLEASE PLEASE
I want to be healthy I want to thrive
I don’t want to exist I want to feel alive.
I don’t want my sleep to be disturbed by the daily rumble
As my body begins to crumble and I fall apart to smithereens
Only dust
There has to be a stabilizer there must.
I want to be substantial not flimsy or weak
I need to reconstruct repair the roof for any leaks.
If i never fall apart rebuilding is never an opportunity
I will fall down many times in this city
But I have a committee
That provides me the tools necessary
Even when feeling wary,
I rebuild an improved me
With no final outcome
If there ever comes my chance
To enhance myself I will take it.
Whatever it takes, I will rebuild and repair until my home can withstand each earthquake that awakes a shift in emotions.
Very fun one to read/speak!
Wavering Quake of an Overflowing Lake is a very special poem to me that I write because it was the first piece of poetry I had written and completed (and was proud of) since I was discharged from a mental health hospital. It depicts the war many individuals find themselves in, a war where happiness taken so easily and quickly and so often that it's hard to find the motivation to keep fighting for it. We all have our lows and our highs, and it often becomes exhausting to feel like once you've finally reached your joy... it gets snatched right from your grasp time and time again with such ease. To those in this battle, keep fighting my warriors. It's hard but the reward is worth it.