Little uneasy with those jokes so very cheesy

Can’t help but smile wide can’t help but be captured by the tide

Falling out from within and tumbling into each wave

The lifeguard is bored such a bother to save

You giggle you snort

But your head’s a mess and you must abort

Ah yes your happiness contradicts your conflicts you ol’ sorrow addict and you’re back at it once again my friend you drown in your tears you are swallowed by hypnotizing fears while you dance and you sing oh how could this be?

So very sweet lovely and charming

The tectonic plates to your brain seem to shift oh how alarming

You are caving in on yourself, weren’t you just filled with bliss?

Oh dear what did I miss?

Your facial expressions tell the slickest lies of all

Your happiness shoots high into the blue sky too confident to pay attention to the fall

Bubbles of anger are oozing

And when it comes to your mood there is no choosing

Though you were just encouraging yourself,

Matters change rather drastically

Until you become your own bully.

A constant battle always at war

Always fighting but not always sure what for

What do I desire?

My temptations are dire.

What do I seek?

Is it really all that bad to feel so bleak?

Not sure where to aim

I feel so confused.. Depression is so lame.

I want to understand

Why it’s so easy to get lost at sea far away from land.

Drowning in emotions

Trying to calm the commotion.

Trying my hardest never was good enough until I realized I wasn’t trying my hardest.

It is so simple to be led astray

To be confined by night and lose sight of the day

So much easier to rely on gravity and fall than to get back up

Every change in my mood seems so abrupt

I was just laughing I’m not ready to cry

Why are there tears streaming across my face

Now landing on my pillowcase?

I thought I was fine

What is my subconscious trying to tell me?

I was so calm

You mean,

I’m not okay?

Fine I’ll let it all out

Not sure what this is all about

But here we go again I’m sobbing and it feels like I hit a dead end.

I’m not a crybaby

I am crybaby.

A walking tear

Just a fountain of sorrow that never fails to malfunction and spray everywhere

Soaking everyone from toes to your hair

I’m sorry

Can’t hold back

My feelings aren’t intact

Its stability that I lack

Nothing is secure and now a ripple cripples me and I find myself with a smile

Psh won’t last very long but let’s enjoy it for awhile!

Socialize and laugh, confident proud and flying high

Shortly after followed by a depressing sigh

Who am I and what is my purpose?

Everything is resting on the surface..

My anger

My fear

My sadness

My happiness

Nothing is organized in files

But strewn about the kitchen tiles

Flying everywhere untamed and hard to bare.

This is unfair,

I just want my security back.

Maybe it would be better if I tossed my feelings in the paper shredder.

To not address them or face them pretend like they are invisible…

Oh no they are divisible and

Divide rapidly like viruses crawling to every inch of me..

Leaving me suffocated by disease

I am begging now on my knees

Exit my system PLEASE PLEASE

I want to be healthy I want to thrive

I don’t want to exist I want to feel alive.

I don’t want my sleep to be disturbed by the daily rumble

As my body begins to crumble and I fall apart to smithereens

Only dust

There has to be a stabilizer there must.

I want to be substantial not flimsy or weak

I need to reconstruct repair the roof for any leaks.

If i never fall apart rebuilding is never an opportunity

I will fall down many times in this city

But I have a committee

That provides me the tools necessary

Even when feeling wary,

I rebuild an improved me

With no final outcome

If there ever comes my chance

To enhance myself I will take it.
Whatever it takes, I will rebuild and repair until my home can withstand each earthquake that awakes a shift in emotions.