Connecting Dots
oooo I just found this on my computer from awhile ago now...forgot about it..I like it..lyrical and slightly quick in rhythm ...
I’ve never been one for the obvious or plain
A habit long formed from experience
writing and putting words disguised to keep sane
the choice to pull closer or ignore is precarious
Im easily addicted to that which intoxicates me
my past will tell anyone that in a heartbeat
forgotten had I how hard it could be
for one such as me
to pretend I don’t care in a state of defeat
connecting dots that likely do not exist
oh i know this well..all barely concealed within
if i screamed to my soul “might you desist”?
it’d do no good to tell myself “tis a sin”
I figured it’d be quite obvious by now
and strangely it matters not as it had in the past
uncertain what makes this different and so allows
all these thoughts that thru my mind have passed
threatening all i know
God knows they’ve returned every time I’ve pushed them away
connecting dots that refuse to stray
forming more lines from day to day
hating them yet fearing they should fade
in days such as these many ideas circle around
they say the laws of attraction are fluid and profound
that the heart wants what it wants
that the body reacts to what it will
and perhaps there is truth in this still
but its makes things no easier until
i learn to fear being heard and understood
and yet i never favored being brave
when i know i am wrong and cannot behave
maybe sometime ago but now i have grown
I’ve committed much already to which i must atone
saying this.. the only problem left is to ignore
easier said than done I’ve found
for i cant just make this go away and restore
what was going on directly before
i walked right into a trap of no sound
a place where the only noise, came from my own soul
and with this a thing that with a simple look had stole
all my peace of mind and did confound
and if you found this to blatant and unnerving
it’d be best not to see what id never write down
not too many understand my system which can be
both intense and somewhere between too tightly wound
to so free with ideas that it borders the ancient
when i see a fire i must control and attain it
take some of it into myself and let it burn
so i cannot discern
in much else other than what is absolute and extreme
and so I’ve so often found it hard to redeem
what I’ve broken within myself
so here i have thrown myself off line
a line i adhere to keep from a capsize
Im past lying about it to myself anymore
I’ve been thrown so far off course its no surprise
without stars to find a way in the dark
putting up a white flag in territory unknown
yet refuse I to abandon ship to embark
so it is my mental state that drowns alone
the electricity that runs to and fro thru friction
i can often say with quite conviction
is both true and false, a contradiction
while though definite, is still draped in strong restriction
how many chapters does one life write
i was so very close to setting fire to some
now such uncertainty thrown before me
makes me aware of how astray I’ve truly become
is it true that we all have secrets?
for I’ve often desired to hide everything I am
yet by now i just don’t care
little consequence can come from knowing life isn’t fair
and my mind has thought nothing but consequence of late
and would anyone lay to me blame?
on the other hand sometimes fate is fate
yet we must all agree that shame is shame.
Curiously can a touch itself speak? I’ve questioned this quite a lot
or if I’m simply drawing lines that aren’t there
connecting dots that disappear
and what the opposite would mean I truly know not.
—C.R.S
dont really have notes on this one...its vague but eh..wrote it awhile ago now...but I was moved again when I read it...so decided to post...if you have not noticed I'm trying to balance out my long classical poetry with this more lyrical stuff...both types have their strengths in my opinion...i found alot of lyrical poetry about a year old that I must include on page...soon soon....Its older now yes..but I still like it..very true and deep in my eyes at least ...some might like my classical more..but ive enjoyed writing this kind lately ...shrug...I LOVE the new background pics to choose from... sadly I must go with ones that fit the poem more...not the ones that I like the most...this one fits because raindrops like dots connect without trying..they simple meld together when close..theres symbolism in that...anyways...I will be posting more soon that ive found again recently in folder on computer..the inspiration is simply my unfortunate ability to feel too deeply....and it is...so very unfortunate...but..eh it does make good writing material...we poets are doomed to confusion and pain after all...
yes..i realize how dramatic that sounds...:)
