Missed Connection.
nothing new. Meaning subject wise.
all I do is wish for rain that won’t come
wish for sun that won’t shine.
for abundance in a drought.
out of line?
I know
but what’s done is done.
I was ready to run and run.
run with it.
now I’m out in the cold.
come in from the storm?
I tried.
but you lie.
I’m silent, seem cold.
seem old.
no, just terrified.
feels good when I know I’ve been too bold.
hesitant, til believed all in full.
then what a fool.
I was made out of.
did not care.
was not fair
but what does it matter though?
you never told me so.
so why would I?
never happened before
first time for everything.
so that way I know never again.
no one else.
no energy for any other.
it’s gone, I’m still in a trance.
all I know is there isn’t another chance.
for another love.
another connection.
not like this.
never like this again.
another understanding like this?
another dance?
no, nothing happens by chance.
oh, you should change your stance.
but you won’t.
I’m so lost, I can’t do what might help it most
frozen, scared, in place.
as that was always up to you.
I told you.
you know I did.
it was up to you, I never bid.
so raise a toast
to the beginning of the end.
or the end of the beginning.
or maybe it’s just beginning.
but we are both so jaded
we don’t know which is which.
you could not possibly know, dear friend
that this was a fight, but a welcome one.
until the end.
until the very end.
so why?
my only question is why?
why did you try.?
so hard
only to give up?
it was all there.
like a jigsaw piece.
put together to be thrown in a fire.
forgotten.
how could you forget?
how could you lie that it’s only a passing thing
you know what we brought and still can bring.
I know youre lying.
but the question is why?
giving me another personality
which was a lie.
just to make yourself feel less.
when you know it’s what’s best.
if we pulled it all together.
nothing better.
peace.
don’t tell me you don’t remember.
I won’t believe you.
yea, I think about you too.
you told me and I told you.
maybe hazy minded but it’s the truth.
don’t tell me it’s not.
what you don’t tell me.
tells me the truth
more than you know.
and you know, no
distance or space
will keep me from feeling
when something ain’t right.
not right with you.
that something is out of place.
I know the case.
and so do you.
I may not always say so.
but I know.
feel the pain.
or shame.
every feeling you place.
inside and lock.
it was a shock.
I know we lost the sight.
couldn’t see clear.
but you let your fear
tell you things that were never true.
I’m just like you.
but keep saying we are not.
you think I am not goin through it too?
waking up just to realize.
the mistake I made
wasn’t a mistake at all.
but a proof
of all we had and could be again.
but ignore it all til the end.
I hope you find what we had again.
with someone new.
because I tried to be a lover and tried to be a friend.
but you act like you don’t want either
when I know you do.
god knows, I still do.
but only in you.
I’m not through.
as if it were possible.
never through.
but that don’t makes any actions true.
no, intention without action
intention without action
isn’t gonna get us through.
nothing more
will execute, kill, perfection through and through
and here I am just letting you.
force silence.
because I love you to much to force it on you.
what distance brought.
was not healing, no it just made me know
what this was.
we have a common cause.
a love that’s true.
but be afraid or be through.
life ain’t life unless it’s you.
don’t tell me the target hit was not spot on.
clumsy is all.
but that’s how we fall.
that’s love
things don’t just happen like that.
but youre too far above it now.
or to in the daze and fight it all.
just wont embrace
I’m telling you now.
don’t give it up and numb it all.
time is not healing.
distance is not appealing
I can’t go on.
cut it off?
I tried.
for you.
I wish I could show you how.
to love again.
the way I loved you.
the way I still love you.
but I cannot make you see the truth.
I cannot make you see what isn’t through.
what youre goin through.
is happening right here with me.
I can’t make you see.
you don’t know what youre doing.
I wanna set you free.
but you have to meet me halfway.
or I won’t know any better.
I’ll just get out of your way.
those affections were more real.
than you could ever learn to feel
or are you just defending
and hiding.
the walls around your heart?
will tear you apart.
in the end
you think that’s what you want?
and you think they are saving you?
don’t.
don’t think it true.
don’t grow old.
knowing I loved you.
I thought distance would save me from you
I was wrong.
it was all along.
did we ever know who was the dark and who was light?
were we both born of the fight?
or both in the dark out of sight?
do you know what you think you know?
or do you not know it’s futile your flight?
it’s here.
it’s mine.
run away to escape decay?
did you not know this was a bloom?
you shouldn’t assume.
all the lessons you gave me.
ended up being lessons
you never knew.
we were born.
not in doom.
but just beginning to form.
like clouds on the sunset grew.
I’ve always felt your storm.
you always have put me through.
and you never knew.
it’s always been you.
ever since.
ever since.
owned my every sense.
you will never be past tense.
ever.
you won’t even wait to see.
run all you like.
this for better or for worse.
for pain or bliss.
for the stab or kiss.
it was the course.
had to be taken.
meant to be.
be to be doubted
and meant to be free.
whatever the cost.
whatever was won?
or whatever was lost.
just tell me those I love yous
were never true
said thrice
said twice
said time and time.
just because you deny them now.
never made those not true.
just lightning never striking twice
never knowing their price.
but pretend youre through.
I cannot make you believe I’d never hurt you.
that I was never what you thought me with, imbued
so ignore the clue.
blame the attacks on your heart from others on me.
I must let go and lay in the pain of missing you.
you are blind because you choose not to see.
and I lie, because I can never be through.
but you’ll never know.
you are a part of me now.
so go ahead, let go of what you never truly knew.
it’s a mistake.
—C.R.S
forgot to put notes ..came back to fix typos and add stuff that was there but I took out to shorten ..naahh ..but no notes on my poems!? bah...crazy hah..about someone giving up something that can save so much pain. That could be everything..giving up... apathetically...and worst of all... All under false assumptions. That's what this is about...a connection worth everything thrown away over fear...also when the other side is getting ready to walk away for good...hence a missed connection because they won't be treated that way anymore..and you can't force people to see the truth ..sad lyrical poem.
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