this is about no one who is reading those. Nothing to do with anyone that reads anything

This is in anger and surprise at people who you swore were normal.. you swore made sense.. that you give another chance too because hey let’s be honest you love them and everyone else is crazy ... without knowing a thing about any of you .. he downsized it made it nothing .. and ignored it.. thought it was for my good.. what anyone wanted to accomplish couldn’t be done unless you wish to uncover truth... because how I could not see the truth of this is beyond me .. so busy watching others I couldn’t see how they betrayed my every emotion towards them and I acted out a bit.. I didn’t expect that connection .. but this was looong before that. And they act like it’s nothing. I hate the word narcissist I feel it’s over said and felt I’d only met one in my life but I couldn’t be certain as they weren’t treated the best.. but now? I never wanted to call myself victim to one... but I never knew covert narcissism til now... they don’t have emotional reactions ... just completely desolate in reaction to anything.. they gave me just enough to have me still care and not want them hurt..I came back thinking it would be worth it after all the time we put in... and didn’t realize I was being helped out of something.. what someone seems on the outside isn’t exactly what on the inside is.. 7 years ago he hurt me .. but i healed enough it still wasn’t behavior like that but now looking back... im so baffled I don’t have words .. not artistic words at all.. how I could be fooled that much into believing they were that righteous this whole time buried under non chalant words .. minimizing my every emotion and word.. the only one who could make me react emotionally.. I realize how much it was ruling me..I’ll be fine.. it’s the hell of it..the cycle to break from.. fools still thinking security keeps me there when there is one and never was.. i can leave history and where my heart is .. for long.. I came back... why I don’t know now.. at first I thought it made sense.. a year living apart.. but I’m trapped in some sort of cycle I’m just no ok with anymore .. I’ve outgrown it spiritually and they aren’t spiritually inclined at all.. yet judge me for not walking right .. tired of it now.. what I thought would always be there? Feels wrong now... they pull me back in over and over but now I just don’t know... it’s truly crazy the whole world can be against you.. completely and you have one person who has your back.. and they don’t even know about it and it’s all ok because they got you... then without ever betraying you they can bring you so far down..more than anyone ever could.. and they simply shrug when told .. what is that? I feel hateful and frustrating for not seeing that control tactic sooner .. victim behavior.. to keep me trapped knowing I hate leaving knowing I can’t stand him in pain. Anyone who wanted me disgruntled and unknowing of what to do next finally gets their wish.. but it still does nothing.. I just can’t see the quite the same ...I thought I owed them I did wrong so let me show them.. and they never cared about that.. to the fool who said I only stay so I won’t be without... you couldn’t be more of an idiot.. you never knew anything about me..’it was I who helped him the last year and a half .. all you idiots are so misinformed it’s pathetic and what’s worse is you still think you have some upper hand when you’ve always believed lies and nonesense