Missing you
I look at your grave, I realise I’ve lost you, you are gone .... Sometimes the pain I feel is so physical, so real I have actually taken analgesic painkillers to see if they might ease me. I miss you so much and even after all this time I feel the grief of your loss so raw and new . I wake, and for a split second I think I hear you call out for me, as you always would . And if I’m honest, how many times did I wearily respond, with a slow reluctance to yet another request for some trivial thing . I rise and realise you are no longer here . You are both gone . It was not a dream, the nightmare is real and I howl out loud, like a wounded animal . A low guttural sound escapes from my lips as the hot blinding tears sting my eyes. The rage of injustice fills my being. I loved you both so very much. I miss you beyond belief. I was not born to be a good wife or mother, I was your best girl. That’s what I did best . I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now with the rest of this life .
