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Disgusted

I used be so insecure with myself and never really thought much of myself until I met you. You made me feel secure, you made me feel like someone important. I started to believe that I was really a special person. I began to feel beautiful and feel better about myself. But you, the one that built me up, you are also the very one that has thrown me down. And now more than ever, I am so disgusted with myself. I think that I am nothing because of you and what you have done. I can’t believe that I started to believe that I was actually enough for you. I was wrong, I was never enough for you, just like through out my life, I was worthless to everything and everyone around me. You have made me hate myself again, even more than before. I don’t understand how you could do this to me, knowing the hell I have been through. You had to look at others and find things in them that I didn’t have, but you wanted. I tried to be enough, I tried to make you happy, but yet that wasn’t enough for you. You had to literally kill me for me to now, some how be enough, as you say, but I’ll never believe that I will be enough for you. You have completely ruined that for me and I can never think of myself the same anymore. Now I look in the mirror and think of myself as trash. I look in the mirror and I am sick with myself because I feel like I am just so worthless and that I’ll never be enough for anyone. You know, they always said if you don’t have anyone to count on, you always have yourself, but that’s the thing, I don’t even have me now. I was always strong through everything in my life and only had me to depend on but now I don’t even have that. Because if I wasn’t enough for the only one I ever truly loved and the one that I thought loved me, then how could I be enough for myself. I am nothing. You have caused something very bad to happen in me and I can’t change it. I want to change it so bad, but there is no way. I am absolutely sick with myself. I don’t even want to be here anymore because of you, one single person, the one I loved, you have made me disgusted with my own being of existence.

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