I love and cherish each one of you from the bottom of my heart,
And this has always been from the very start.
Each one of you unique in your own special way,
Changed forever after, year 2013, on 2nd May.
The lifelong struggles that are here to stay,
Always remember that I am here for you every single day.
I will always be there to catch you if you start to fall,
Our family has changed and before we can walk we have to start over with learning how to crawl.
Crawl and learn what “The Baileys” means now,
Like will we again feel whole I just want to scream WHEN? HOW?
Even though we all seem at times so far apart,
I have to believe we can somehow make a new start.
6 of us once 5 of us now,
We have to learn to have patience, respect, love each other, come closer together somehow.
We need each other like never before,
And understand that I have to be strong not only for me but for another four.
I know it is hard for you all to understand,
But being totally honest most days I feel like I am sinking in quick sand.
Caitlin or more fondly known as “Bub” born 8 pound 15 she was my first,
When I first saw I felt such love, I thought my heart would burst.
How proud you make me every single day,
But for some reason instead of getting closer, you seem to be drifting further away.
Please don’t give up on Conrad, Griffin, Jadey and me,
I know it is hard to understand we are all fighting our own battles that you just can’t see.
Know that we all love you and are here for you always,
Believe in the future and for brighter and happier days.
Conrad weighed in at 10 pound 6.5 called “man”, my second child,
Born with such big toes Grammy called you Indian Running Duck, yes from the wild.
You have always had such a big heart,
I love so many things about you, where to even start?
You love to dance and do plays just to see us smile,
And you have enjoyed this attention for quite a while.
Again we all lack patience and respect,
But don’t ever think that our family is wrecked.
It is a long road ahead for you, for us all,
But know that we love you and I am so proud, and we are slowly breaking down that emotional wall.
Griffin my third was born 12 pound 9.5, 
You shot out that fast you went past the doctor and the nurse and into a bucket on the floor you did dive.
Our boy that struggles every single day,
I don’t know how your little mind thinks but your main concern most days is that kids won’t let you play.
Don’t ever feel that you are less,
You can’t help but tell people what you are thinking and let me tell you most times I have to squint my eyes and hold my breath.
Griffin my boy you will go far in this life,
One thing Aspergers means is that you can’t help but be truthful, and that right there is what will help protect you and cut through the BS that you will come across over the years like a razor sharp knife.
Jadey the baby is the fourth and was 11 pound 10,
Another giant baby ARGH NOT AGAIN.
Even though you look like an angel,
At home you scream kick pinch punch abuse and yell.
Having said all that we wouldn’t have it any other way,
LOOK OUT FUTURE BOYFRIENDS IS ALL I CAN SAY.
We think you are older than what you are at times,
You were always Daddy’s baby and because you are so cute, got away with countless crimes.
You talk about your Dad nearly every single day,
No sadness, I think that is how you cope with your emotions, and am so touched that you talk of him in this way.
So what I guess I am trying to get you all to see,
I am your Mum, I struggle, I have depression, I have four kids that depend on me.
I am human and I make mistakes just like you,
But out of the darkness this anger and hatred is seeping through.
We were 6, but now we are five,
For the sake of “The Baileys”, our family, we need to go through this darkness called grief together and make it through to the other side.
We have to love, trust, respect each other, have to strive,
Never ever be afraid to communicate because there is no other choice we have to get through this, OUR FAMILY IS MY LIFE.
THERE IS NO OTHER OPTION BUT TO SURVIVE.
I love you all so much
Mum
Xx