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A Mindful Journey

Woke up enveloped with fear and despair.
Crying uncontrollably as the day began.
Pain from my past seeping into my present.
The struggle within can no longer be ignored,
can no longer be pushed further and further out of the mind.
For it lives in my stomach and ribs and heart.
Turmoil runs through my veins.
This trapped energy resides in my body;
to deny it is to rip myself apart.
Sedating only gives my pain time to grow and fester.
Causing moments of clarity to be paired with suffering.
My inner world will no longer be deprived of life.
Pranayama… Breathing through the discomfort.
My breath supports me as I sit with and address the darker areas of myself.
Eyes closed, spine straight, the negative energy being released from its prison deep within;
traveling through me, saturating every part of me with the dreaded taste of restless insecurity and devastation.
The tears return, pouring from my eyes.
An audible burst of agony escapes my mouth.
My body begins to cave in as my breath becomes sporadic.
Defeat from this emotional state seemed imminent.
“Not this time!” I heard as I sat myself up and took a deep inhale.
The exhale carried any remnants of helplessness out of me.
My eyes opened themselves, awakening from the power just tapped into.
Experiencing the middle ground of my duality:
From fear and despair to power and brightness.
My strength and vulnerability are created from the same source.

(2013)

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