A short story about my feelings and fears.

Dedicated to a girl that could make a simple night of browsing through a video store special, with those little things she does.

              We once had a late night conversation about whether or not I had feelings. As we sat in the car discussing this, I get nervous being vulnerable so I use humor to diffuse the seriousness of the topic. My history has taught me to protect myself, to protect my feelings.

               My feelings are like a plant. For some time now I have kept my plant in a terrarium, safe from external elements, safe from harm. The glass walls keep my plant safe, it stays alive. Hidden behind this glass it never gets exposed, but it never grows. It remains the same, unchanged. One day I left the window open; the sunshine came through and warmed the leaves of the plant. I noticed an immediate change; the plant suddenly looked taller, brighter. It looked happy to be in the sunlight, so I left the window open. As each day came and went, the plant grew and brightened. But, soon the walls of the terrarium prevented the plant from growing anymore.

               I was excited by the effect that the sunshine had on my plant, but I was scared to remove the protective glass. I didn’t want my plant to be hurt; I wanted to protect it from harm. The plant seemed to thrive so much from the sunshine that I decided to take a risk and I took the plant from it protection to allow more sunshine. I even set it outside exposing it to all potential harm hoping to see it grow more. Then, not only was it in the sunshine, but in the rain. The rain watered and nurtured the plant and it flowered. I didn’t even know it could flower, all that time in the protection of the terrarium, it never did. Suddenly realize that I was stifling the plant by protecting it and not allowing it to flourish.

               You see, this girl was the sunshine that fed my feelings. Being in her presence allowed me to crave the light and stop protecting my feelings so closely even though I was afraid I let her in. The little things that she does was the rain that watered my feelings into becoming more than I thought possible. The way she held my hand, squeezed my sides, ran her fingers through my hair. The way she would bump me with her hips, lean against me, walk up behind me and rest her chin on my shoulder. The way she tangled her legs with mine, and the way she fit perfectly into a cuddle.

               I write this not to change your mind, I respect your decision. I understand the desire to protect feelings and the fear of being hurt. I just wanted to let you know how you I cherished your company. I wanted you to know that though I may not have been good at communicating how much you meant, you are very special to me. Thank you beautiful, thank you for your sunshine and rain.