This poem is about my husbands kidney failure and the donation God is allowing me to make to him. I should have called it "Waiting" because that's really what its about.
I watch you try to sleep and my heart aches. Its been over a year. Restless twitching body wasted and struggling, your body is dying and I am too. You don’t know that you whimper in your sleep, cry like a puppy who’s had nothing to eat. God it breaks my soul to hear and I yell at you. I am sorry. I am so sorry.
I knew you were something special the first time we met, you smiled at me and cast your eyes down, helping a patient back to bed. If I had known you were sick I would have run, you were too lovable to lose and I am a sucker for punishment.
Ammonia breath, I try not to cringe, hair fallen out on your pillow, you are so terribly thin. This is too hard. This is to hard. This is so heavy.
I have to save you to save myself, I cant put you under and stay up here on earth. This is to hard, this is too hard, this is too heavy.
The doctor says there’s a cure but it requires a cut, requires a gift he can not give me back, say when, say when, say when.
Lord say when.
I remember your arms and your legs bigger than mine, I remember your Elvis thick hair and your beautiful brown skin, I remember you holding me so happy with so little, not even a real bed or a day without trouble. But we were happy then.
Too many days with too much pain, people hounding and work that never ends, selfish hateful hands out still wanting more. I don’t blame you for being broken. I am too. I don’t blame you for forgetting, I will remember for you.
Shell shocked, world rocked, tired and troubled, faith shaken, so many of our days taken and now, say when, say when, say when.
Lord say when.