The fight
I feel like I’m back to that struggle
The start of the fight to keep the darkness from taking over
it creeps up on you
fading in and out at first like someone playing with the dimmer switch
Moments constantly chipping away at your resolve
The fake smiles
The mask you wear daily to convince yourself you’re ok
that this time, you won’t give in.
But your heart
Your soul
Your bones
know it’s all just a stall
Your poker face can’t fool yourself.
And so you let go
the darkness enveloping you with such strength you feel like you can’t breath and secretly hope it wins
Praying to God take you back because you don’t belong here anymore
You never did.
Watching life pass you by because you’re so detached from reality isn’t a life worth living. The only thing that snaps you out of it is the cutting, that’s your tie to reality, that you can feel and you can bleed and you are alive.
The darkness is getting lost in your mind; imploding.
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