Take a deep breath it's just fridge.
I know I’m going to regret a single bite, it infects my insides
like pesticides and I feel
it’s every grain
hanging on my skin
disorder always wins
when i miss this so much, just bone to the touch
for me there is nothing as fragile as wanting to be breakable.
I don’t need to be told, always known
it’s far from stable
but you can’t understand, nor do I blame you that you’re un able
it’s my greatest pleasure and my greatest pain.
I’ve spent nights feeling my rib cage with a smile on my face
but I’ve spent time on bathroom floors with cold tile to my face
pulling at my hair from the simple
fear of weight.
I remember being five and my baby sitter told my mom I was counting my pretzels calories, she said eat one i said get that shit away from me, ofcourse i didn’t say shit
i was five. i remember the worst days of being alive long before 95, long before
89 pounds, were days of my thoughts screaming loud with every insult the kids
dished out at school.
well I’ll show them. I was 11 then. I didn’t really make anyone feel bad for a word they said, just made my anger worse in treatment center beds.
at the end of beautiful you’re just left in self made mess.
still honestly, & it’s sick of me,
but i really like the look of my bones in this white dress.
(2013)
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