An ancient joke tells how a kid who’s slain
his parents out of rage or just for fun
Then cons the judge by citing all the pain
He’ll surely suffer as a lonely orphan.
But this is not a joke. Rewarding sin
Is more American than apple pies:
The beauty queen thrown out for showing skin
Gets film scripts as her consolation prize.
No matter to his fans how he is caught
Not once but twice with a motel whore
Swaggert’s tears erase what he has wrought;
They ”hate his sin” but him they still adore.
Mafia hit men who’ve committed crimes most dire
Makes millions writinjg how such murderous thugs
Used knives, revolvers or piano wire
To wipe out rival dealers selling drugs.
If you plagiarize and don’t admit you’re quoting
Don’t waste your time in hopeless agonizing
You must begin immediately promoting
The book you’re writing about your plagiarizing.
Hitler might have made a fortune if
He’d penned a book decrying all his mischief
And OJ, seeing no need for truth’s suppression,
Can write a book amounting to confession.
If you have scruples, it’s time to overcome these;
Write a book instead, “Confessing Crimes for Dummies.”