Jehovah help me
Jehovah please help me with this problem
The head ache, the crying, the agony, the trying to solve em
I know I must rely on you, make you all of my voids
But that feeling for a physical father is deep, for me to cry into his open arms
And maybe that’s why I always wanted to have kids
So that I could watch a man who wanted to take care if his children
Maybe that’s why I wanted to get married, to see a human being love so deeply and not care about what another says about his deep feelings
A person not afraid to get advice about his true dealings
I am left with emptiness in a space that I cannot really find
Because these thoughts of mine are as deep as the valleys of death and as deep as the seas full of sharks and vines
I can only see the vision that my heart conjures up as if its a reality
But when I open my eyes I see that I have only dreamed a dream that is bigger than me
If I could let it go, trust me I wouldn’t
Because Jehovah I know that you can be that father. Every hour of these years that I progress
And I see you try to provide this man in my physical life who would call me, hug me and caress
My brain.., with thoughts of worthiness of this world
To be able to tell me that I deserve it all
If only my father was my first love I would know what being treated correctly felt like
I have taken on any kind of nice gesture or comment as being love
Only for me to be led into the wrong direction
Only for me to realize that I gave these things back to help these men to help their own view of their manly erections
The get higher and harder of their grind every time a person compliments them
And if only I knew I was the person who helped them get a better view of themselves I would of asked them to do the same for me
But in reality my love for men came naturally
I don’t knock the man who deserves the giving words of praise
But to get boastful and say that you lengthen your own days only make me disgusted in all of your endeavors
And Jehovah please help me if I only love you as that man in heaven
Maybe I won’t ever fill this void without using you as that person
But all im asking is please Jehovah, help me with this problem
I am a girl growing into womanhood still looking for a father.
~HYPEQUEEN~
