You Stay
J Ann Crowder
You don’t get me, yet I write it in words singing my truth with my tongue
You don’t see me, yet per chance you might if you tuned in long enough to hear a dangerous thunder heaving off shutters in my throat when I cry
I cry deep, yet you sense it not
I feel deeply & madly into my senses, still you know it not
You see me falling at times, but you offer no savior, no warm hand to stop me
I suppose it’s my curse to feel these open windows blowing icy winds into my cozy, safe room, waking me with a shiver
Always at night with the darkness & cold abounding
LONLINESS in these moments, cursed
I walk it alone
You don’t see it because you can’t
You remain blind to it
Yet you still stand by my side, no understanding, but a strength of presence & a galant pushing to persevere
You don’t get it because you can’t
Yet you stay in my LONLINESS
You aren’t capable of saving me, & it’s fine even when it crushes me because you aren’t supposed to save me afterall
You can’t see what I see
You can’t comprehend my suffering
It doesn’t make sense to you
But you still continue to stay
Then I bend & break into newnesss, each step, little by little, saving myself
And you still don’t get it, but you stay
You are my witness, though you understand it not, you see it very little, how it destroyed my center until something bloomed in its place, blooming more each day now
It beweilders me, you witness, still you cannot comprehend
You cannot attach your heart to such a thing but you stay
You bring laughter
You push me on
You can’t catch me & you can’t silence the shadows, but you stay
And maybe your staying is all I need afterall
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