A changing
I savor the indifference that is culminating inside my person
It is like a breathe upon the nape of my neck
To be able to murder those thoughts
And bury them deep inside of a peak
Thousands of miles from me
So I will never sense them
Experiencing that malice of the soul
Letting the cold run through my veins
And infect me like a plague
Making my numb (which one ought to feel)
So that all that I call my own is mine
And not under the regime of another
Letting them have bloody war with my emotions
They are savages
Not caring at all for anything recognizably human
An incomprehensible beast!
So I push my sensitivity out of a moving train
Killing it upon contact
It will never live
And resume the coldness and hardness of reality
Where the blood that is shed is mine and of my doing
Not from outside influence
Im extinguishing a part of my soul tonight
With utter joy
For It was weak and susceptible to all kinds of hate
I will not have that
Not in my dominion
And you will see a raven
Perching upon the gnarled branch on the tree
Blinking his cursed eye through you
I am leaking the blood from my heart
Because I cannot endure the yearnings it causes
All the pain, all the heartache
Which doesn’t matter to you
Because you never cared to ask why
So I deaden myself tonight
Become anew
Rising through the ashes
With no sores or anguish
Just an empty vessel that can never be filled
Because when it is, you fill it
Making all the world a tornado of torment
So I empty myself of everything
Even the dear parts I cherished
Especially my fancy
My dear soul, which I love with earnest
Must be thrown into the heaps to be burned
Because he’s been compromised
And I am no longer able to call it my own
All that I was, or am must change
Bleeding out of me as a flower drips it’s nectar
It is not possible just to forget, or get over
There was an demon awakened that night
And all I feel is the cold
Covering me like a blanket
Filling all the tender parts of me
And blanking out all memories and reminders
I will be man incarnate
My genesis was at my demise
But I celebrate the stars
And gleam inside their rays
And joyfully sing myself
Upon rooftops of my imagination
But you will never see that
I close that from all mankind
It’s a locked door to all
My paradise upon fruit topped trees
Where once I asked someone to light upon them
Burning every branch, scouring every thistle
A massacre of nature inside my soul
Unable to regain any semblance of it’s former self
Any yet, I cry at the destruction
But purse my lips at the destructor
Kindly hint at hope, while there is none
And silently grind my eyes into oblivion
while you sit with eyes wide open
In a plush chair
Moving your queen to rook
And me, watching my vision
As it’s lost before my eyes
Seeing my stars plucked from the sky
And I am forced to believe there was never any to begin with.
(2012)
