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Afraid

I scare myself
The way I act
When I’m angry or sad
Alone with my thoughts
 
I thought about death
My anger taking over
And me not knowing what to do
Hurting the ones I love
 
When I was depressed
I was afraid of what I might do
To those who surround me
And to myself most of all
 
When I’m angry I lose control
Lashing out on everyone
Not meaning to hurt them
Not wanting to hurt them
 
I try to stay away
But they just try to get closer
To help me
When I need to be alone
 
I write poems to help me
For I have only one to tell
But they are not with me all the time
And my emotions are swirling inside
 
I want to curse out in anger
Scream out in pain
Cry out of fear
But I can’t
 
Stress over comes me
And makes me feel...
Useless, worthless, and most of all
A monster
 
I don’t know what to do
With all this inside me
I want to let go of it all
And let warmth surround me
 
I am afraid of:
What I might do
What I might say
Who I might hurt
And most of all
 
Who I have become.

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