My Feelings


My feelings are abundant.
All the wrong ones fill my heart.
I tell you how I feel all the time.
Though there is nothing you can do.
I tell you that I am trying to move on.
That I fight them as much as I can.
When I say that I’m not lying.
But there are times where I stop trying.
My feelings mean nothing.
Ignore them like I do.
Because nothing can take them away.
There’s nothing I can do.
If you really cared for me...
You’d listen to my words.
Stop telling me it is unhealthy!
I know I am, so shut up!
I can’t help but think negatively.
My lies of positivity aren’t enough to mask how I am.
I’m sorry that you deal with me.
My life is only in my hands.
“Please shut up.
Don’t say that about yourself,”
I say as I abuse myself.
I am such a failure.
A failure?
A mess.

This is how I feel a lot of the times. I am jealous over my friends and everything they are able to posses. Though what they have isn't important in societies eyes, it is something I have always craved. I act two different ways with them a lot, and it is finally catching up to me physically. I'm mentally and emotionally drained and now my physical life is taking the beating..

Just a vent for today. I hope that you enjoyed it. I will try to post more frequently. My mind just hasn't been in the best place lately, and it is hard for me to find the words I want to say.

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