Without a goodbye my hearts aches
my last words fell silent on your ears
I was blindsided by your cowardice
my face left wet and red again.
Why did I allow myself this false hope?
Let down again and again
abandoned in my hour of need
fighting a losing battle.
Staring down the razor.
My mind racing 100 miles an hour
I didn’t want to die
I just wanted this pain, this suffering to be over.
You didn’t even care,
not about me, not anymore
just you and your cock.
You were meant to be the best thing to happen in my life.
My husband, my future
You were the best at first, like most relationships.
You never know what is hiding underneath until its too late.
You were the worst.
I can see our memories playing out,
in your chair, our bed, the kitchen.
I miss those happy times, I grieve for them
I am better off without you, I know that know.
Better off without your toxic behaviour.
Yeah I wasn’t the best, but I was just scared of you.
Those scared nights with verbal abuse, wondering
“is tonight the night he hits me?”
The chair, the table, the poor book thrown across the room.
But what about me? When was it my turn?
And when you left?
I was left feeling like I was nothing but a spec of dust to brush off your shoulder.
The life we had created? You ripped my heart right out of it.
Now I’m just a heart shaped hole in your life, and your just a life shaped hole in my heart.
So you see it’s hard.
How do I celebrate that your gone, while my heart breaks for our life.

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