i never said you did not feel pain. i know when we did our little run that it would hurt you. i knew it would affect the way you thought of me. and i figured you would never like me. not after what i had done. but you say you do these decisions out of care yet you are bringing the opposite down upon me and your daughter. i know you love your daughter. i know you want what is best for her. when you said her grades were slipping i was her number one fan. I was willing to help her tutor her in the areas i was capable. you keep saying that i do not understand. i understand completely clearly. just the pain of knowing your decisions leave my heart in my hand and hating myself for my actions. and as you quote those things that i have said that they are true. you do not wish you could give me another chance. you do not want me around because you see me as the resemblance of your daughter’s rebellion.  but i hate to break it to you but if it wasn’t me. it would be somebody or something else. and that is not my thought that is a fact. it probably frightens you to think of her being around me because she rebels when she does. but that is just natural if it wasn’t me it would be somebody else. so i understand why you will not let us be together. i am your biggest fear as your mother. but i also wish you to know that it was not my intentions for her to never do what you want her to do. she probably went about this more aggressive than i would have rather her had been.  hey but that’s her for you. she has always been a fighter. and i love that about her. so do not say “ I do not understand.” i do i just don’t wish to except that i do.


(2014)

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