i shake off my feelings and act like they are not there.
this fake smile i am being forced to wear.
the smell of her has disappeared from my coat..
the ship is leaving but i can not get on the boat.
my friend Elizabeth says i am just young and dumb.
tells me to move on but the thought leaves me perpetually glum.
she asks if it would help  for me to tell them that you did not cheat.
i said “ no they know the truth and it would make them over heat.”
she makes funny faces until i crack a smile.
but it did not last but for a little while.
 
i listen to music to keep myself from losing my mind.
The mind only Kayli had the capability to find.
i miss her but there is nothing i am able to do.
our love is on pause but i know i will not find someone new.
it worries me she will but i would understand if she did.
3 years? i hope i still have the highest love bid.
i might not be coming back to school after break.
am not sure how much more bad news i can take.
so if somebody has something to look forward to i could use it.
the fire that is keeping me here is not lit.

(2014)

she kept me moving forward. she gave me a reason to smile and a reason to wish to still be here. so now that she is gone what must i do? i have nothing to look forward to. i am nothing without her.

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