Voyage Into the Abyss
pain takes no respite
tragedy and triumph, tears and laughter;
heartache and elation– constant companions –
battle continuously for control
intrinsic crypt keepers open wounds; salt skeletons,
choke my grasp on my own humanity
inner gods and demons go toe to toe
stake claim to spirit
when I’ve suffered enough I pull myself inside out,
cross over and through invisible lines, hide from my world
Shadow self– solitary voyager– dives head first into the ache;
breaks neck in the shallow pool of nice; rips sinew, exposes bone,
strips the veneer to take the excursion to my other side
disappears into the abyss; swims bounded
in search for fragments and fibers of me scattered and alone
hunting love’s essence ambiguous and slapdash
I see my bestial self immersed in burnt offerings of self
the inorganic being sacrificed to civility cries for existence
lies in wait to emerge un-vilified, strains to unleash masked lust
to ease torment and anesthetize the she beast
ring her authority, spit her true nature
sex is her path to love; love is just propaganda to justify sex
hails to Mary, confessions to the middleman for the pope and hope to purify
negates mandatory shame, deadened, for that for which no remorse is necessary
truth is I loved them all out of guilt or certainty
I just can’t tell the difference anymore.
(2004)
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