Tell Him
She’s dying over and over again,
From the insanity of the missing.
The heart will repair,
Though I wouldn’t dare say this.
At the sky she stares,
Continuously.
She says life must go on,
I can’t go on.
I don’t want to be without him she says,
While opening the second bottle of vodka.
If I’d had a choice I’d of gone with him.
But I’d never wish for him to ever feel,
This crushing feeling.
Not for an instance.
In the night she thinks I’m sleeping,
But I hear everything.
Dear God,
I was wondering if I could take a moment of your time???
I know your a busy bloke and that,
Your tired with all these voices shouting up at you,
I would be too.
But I thought I’d give it a go,
I know your the universal spirit and got a lot on your mind,
So I tell you what,
I’ll talk and you can just listen,
Give me your views at the end.
I was wondering if you’ve looked in on me lately.
See God,
I’m feeling incredibly unhappy,
Distraught you could say,
Miserably alone,
I know there’s millions probably billions,
I don’t know the average but no matter.
I know there’s other’s wanting your attention,
The people dying from cancer,
The African village women screaming for you to stop the men taking their kids,
Putting them on smack,
To fight their twisted gorilla wars.
Our boys in Afghanistan getting maimed and slaughtered.
So firstly I was wondering if it’s normal to feel this way???
You see I think of him so much,
He enters my dreams as soon as I close my eyes,
Is this your doing??
Tell me what I have to do to stop this fog,
Tell me when I reach the other side I’ll still be me,
Tell me it’s ok to still cry silently, without even knowing.
Then tell me how to stop the tears,
If this ache in my chest relieves.
Tell me I’m standing this pain to be with him again.
Go on tell me!!!!!??????
I’m so alone I bet you got all the Angels up there keeping you company,
Hay I thought they were supposed to be down here looking after us????
Point is, real point is,
You got something that belongs to me and I want it back.
You took my grandparents without asking,
Let them all die of cancer slowly before their time,
All of them.
By the way I think you’ve had enough cancer out of my family thankyou very much.
Do you feed off it?????
You took my dog when I was little,
Your know the one, scruffy little Jack rustle running about up there,
He’s a proper little cracker.
Missed him awfully I did.
You even took my dad three times on the operating table,
But he’s still here,
I mean what sort of sick joke is that,
“ You can have him ”
“ no you can’t ”
“You can have him ”
“ I want him back ”
I felt like I had aeroplane ear,
All five of us in an empty house moving around each other like ghosts.
If the bible’s true you should know this,
But I got an idea you haven’t looked in on me at all.
I’m not blaming you, well I am sort of,
I think your a really good bloke that took too much on,
We all do it now and then don’t we.
I mean the church wrote your book didn’t it,
It’s really down to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
You should really send those boys down here,
I know a lot of people who want a word with them.
They’re responsible for war, famine and mass genocide.
Because be honest all wars start at religion one way or another don’t they.
I bet if you felt one second of what I feel,
He would still be beside me.
The aftermath of such evil wouldn’t of happened.
I don’t believe you would let our boys in Afghanistan,
Get themselves blown up and shot in the head.
I don’t believe If you felt an instance of this loss,
You wouldn’t of let Osama bin Laden get away with all the lives he took on 9/11.
The Jews getting gassed and thrown in pits of thousands.
I’m sorry I’ve gone off track,
What I was saying was,
My dad said if he’d of died when he got kidney failure,
It’s God’s will .
Well if it’s your will,
Do me a favour and send my husband back,
I wasn’t finished with him yet,
And if you can’t do that,
Tell him something for me,
Tell him I love him,
But lie, say I’m ok,
Say I’m getting by,
I got sleeping pills off the doc.
Say I’m almost happy,
Not to worry,
Tell him I’m rushing towards death for him,
That I’ve stocked up on vodka,
And God, tell him I’ll be there soon.
(2014)
