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Megan E. Merritt
i thought you’d care
i thought you’d cry
i thought you’d want to tell me why
i told you the truth
the facts, how you act
and you just kept saying
...if you feel that way than okay
i thought you’d help
i thought you’d talk
i thought you’d want to fix it
i told you my feelings
whats real, do you feel?
and you just kept saying
...this is so random
and i asked you why
you never talked
about us,
and you just said... what about us
we live together, yet we don’t talk
we sleep together, but we don’t touch
we drink together and you just want the sex
you’re not a bad guy
if you were i wouldn’t try
i guess i just don’t understand why
I watched her draw a circle
and I began to think
Where does a circle end?
Why pencil over ink?
If you can erase part away
then it must end somehow
Perfection doesnt exist
So make a perfect circle now
What if it were pen
and she made a mistake?
Would she draw it again?
What if the pen breaks?
Then she’s right back to graphite
un-permanent and used
What about light?
Is that unending too?
If you can draw a perfect circle
Can you draw light as well?
You can change a shadow
but can you draw a sound?
If you can hear noise
how can you paint
how you feel, what you hear
when you shatter a plate?
All I know
is that with a pen
the light of a circle
is that it has no end.
I admit it
You’ve become my addiction
Thinking of you every second of the day
And every night I swear I pray
To help me stop being so switchy
I wish I was just a bit more picky
I dont know how I love you so
When I just allowed myself to let your friend go
Im so bad with words
I just feel so discouraged
Another face, another love
You’re all that I can think of
Im the worst type of girl
The queen of one day boyfriends
I make myself wanna hurl
Every time I break a heart
It doesnt seem to mend
I dont know what to do
I think I may really be in love with you
It tears me up to see you two fight
Because inside my heart, a fire burns bright
I love you, both you and him
But he wont take me back, so I guess you win
Below the surface
Im dying deep down inside
how could you tell
I dont talk
tell anybody anything
let it all build up inside
no comparison to him
girl, we all know you will win
ripped away before
I ever got a chance
I could’ve been the best
no one will ever love him
like I do
Youre telling me she’s just a friend
but the way you look at her
the things you do for her
I dont understand
You told me I was
the one and only
and now she’s come back
and I’m your last resort
You said nobody
would ever come between us
all the lies you told
that I continuously believed
This is all my fault
I did something wrong
It was nineteen ninety six
when her father left home
her mother thought she could fix this
such pains she’d never know
A four year old, new father found
living in a strange old town
She made new friends at her school
her life, she found everything so new
It was year two thousand
when she heard the gun-shot sound
her mother began screaming, shouting
that new father, dead on the ground
An eight year old, a murder witnessed
she knew she may never get over this
It wasnt her mother, wrong place, wrong time
but three years later everything seemed fine
Year two thousand three, not much had changed
her sister left home, her father re-appeared
he took away her sister, her mother enraged
she’d grow up alone, fragile, and afraid
Her sister came home, her life in shards
their father ruined everything, he took this too far
A drunk and a loser, new girl every night
she still loved him but this wasn’t at all right
It was two thousand five, when the girl left alone
packed her bags, called her dad, left her mother now too
Ready to meet a man she’d never known
but little did she except to end up so screwed
Her dad, a new girl-friend, this one permanent
he packed all their bags, put their house up for rent
She hated that woman, the nazi she was
blond hair, blue eyes, german wench of the sun
Two thousand seven came quickly around
called her mother to come back home
packed a moving truck
still feeling all alone
All was well for a while, and then four years passed
but this repeating pattern, Im sure you could guess
These dysfunctional adults, that she had to raise
had taught herself to bottle her rage
Two thousand ten and she’s back with her dad
this wasn’t a choice, she was forced to go
Finances, home-life, everything was too bad
but then again, little did she know
Forced out on her own, for her father had lied
he never wanted her, she wished he would die
And it was all due to that woman, Hitler of this age
But she went peacefully, no longer caged
I wish I could take your sleepless nights
and trade them in for a lullaby
and all the stupid, pointless fights
every insult slung, every tear you cry
you know you’re lucky
you know how to feel
and you know how to love
and decipher what’s real
I wish could take your run down days
and trade them in for starry skies
and in the field where our bodies lay
I could just whisper to you, “You’re mine”
And I can’t take the pain away
but i know a few tricks to relieve the sighs
the heavy heart, the voices fade
Just cause something’s said, doesn’t make it right
I wish I could tell you you’re beautiful
and kiss those lips that move so sweet
and never be anything but truthful
and just let me sweep you off your feet
For every frown that lies on your face
I’d trade them in for daisies
a tornado can be a glorious change
cause it grows and strengthens in phases
If you were a whirlwind, I’d chase you down
through snow and rain, debri and pain
and in these circles that are spinning you round
I will catch you just the same.
You open the doors to my heart
and make it beat twenty times faster
when you’re near
my vision becomes so blurry
as if my world is spinning
and Im standing in place
Youre the anti-depressant
to this troublesome life
always making me laugh
when I dont want to smile
always telling me Im beautiful
when my hair’s in knots
and my make-up’s running down my face
Just hearing your voice
clears my head-ache
just feeling your touch
vanishes the pain
knowing you love me
makes everything okay
Youre the best thing that has ever happened to me
and I never wanna let you go
hold you in my arms forever
these are the words I long to spill
Dont you understand
Im trying to know you
I want to know you
Im trying to see you
the person you are
Not the person you play
You put on an act
like Im the only audience
but I want to know the man
behind the scenes
you hide behind
your monologue
but I still hear your voice
Im not trying
to be your director
I just want to be
your number one fan
Youre the first scene
and only one
I ever want to see
Dont think of this as a song
think of it as a script
that you willingly read
like the actor you are
I write these words
just for this class
as I watch the birds
as they fly past
the windows, the sunlight
shines through and through
it shows really bright
but what else is there to do
forty more minutes
until I leave for lunch
I just cant wait to hit it
the halls, just to munch
I’m not one to say I’m sorry
When everything was all your fault
I never made you worry
That I’d ever break your heart
And I’d be lying if I say
I’m not angry, I’m not hurt
That I didnt want to stay
Didn’t want to put in the work
Its those eyes, those damn blue eyes
they could bring me to my knees
Those lips have got me mesmorized
I cant help but feel so weak
Those arms that used to hold me
The hand that used to fit
The smile that warmed my body
And I’m trying not to give a shit
It makes me feel so dumb
Knowing things will never change
And I keep trying harder
But it always ends the same
I knew that I would love you
From the day you spoke my name
I cried that day, I walked away
Kissed you good-bye, but never again
I’ve only got one hour left
One more hour further from you
To a place I’ve called home
But if only then I knew
Its those eyes, those damn blue eyes
they could bring me to my knees
Those lips have got me mesmorized
I cant help but feel so weak
Those arms that used to hold me
The hand that used to fit
The smile that warmed my body
And I’m trying not to give a shit
You told me what you wanted
from the first time we had spoke
You swore I’d never be that girl
But three days was all it took
I know the times not right
But I have all my life to wait
I just cant believe I fell inlove
When it always ends in pain
I can handle a lie if it’s in your voice
I can handle the truth, my first choice
But I hope you remember when you come home alone
My lips on your neck, and your shivering bones
Its those eyes, those damn blue eyes
they could bring me to my knees
Those lips have got me mesmorized
I cant help but feel so weak
Those arms that used to hold me
The hand that used to fit
The smile that warmed my body
And I’m trying not to give a shit
I can handle a lie if it’s in your voice
I can handle the truth, my first choice
But I hope you remember when you come home alone
My lips on your neck, and your shivering bones
Every year I get older
the weather grows colder
and the rose starts to fade
and everything is grey
As I look to a new day
with the same damn routines
stuck in the same place
all the motives, not the means
I hope for a new way
to lead the life I live
For Ive handed over everything
Ive nothing left to give
As I pace in my bedroom
contemplate a new life
in my mind I create
my own person’s demise
And its not what I wish for
and its not where Ill be
but its the only thing left
thats calling for me
Some days I feel high
cause Im floating in space
in the place where I lie
I can see my own face
I do not see anger
cannot find sadness
but the look in my eye
is filled with madness
I cant see where Im going in
run straight into the black
no lights and no signs
no way to turn back
Some mornings are lit
by the stars of the sky
and my hours of early
turn into the night
I wonder where the days are
if they’re gone, gone for good
if I could back and change things
Im not sure I would
My eyes grow heavy
but my heart has grown light
the moment you met me
you became my sight
Now I race forward
waiting for the finish line
but Im moving too fast
need to keep you mine
Every year I get older
and my memories fade
but your head on my shoulder
entices the warmth to stay
When did “I love you” turn to “I like you”
maybe when we started fighting
I thought you were the one
but your anger became so frightening
I know I went wrong somewhere
my heart has been shattered to a million and one
you’d go to your room where the music would blare
and that’s when I decided to run
Run, Run away from the angry words
where the love was forever lost
your first flew like migrating birds
i had to duck, duck from the punches
the abuse had gone too far
I had to get, get away forever
Never to return to the house of blood and tears
Im past that, Im gone, You’ll never have me back
I feel my pulse quicken as you open the door
as the sweat drips down my temples
to be hurt never more
Ill use you as my best example
Im gone from this place never to return
Ive disappeared from your world
I hope your heart will forever burn
Just like you left me curled
That’s when I decided I had to run
The blood fills my mouth
from the jaw you’ve broken
tears run down
from the words you’ve spoken
Ill taste blood and tears forever
