Becoming a dream
Feeling hollow,
Again inside...
Am I worthless?
I should just run and hide...
I can’t help it,
Though you tell me I am not.
I can’t fight these feelings,
Running amok.
The loathing,
Pain...
Goes deeper than you can ever know.
But how do I express it?
Through these words I show.
Like a robot I function...
On this path of self destruction.
I can see you there...
Worry alight in your eyes.
But,
I’m losing myself in all of my lies.
Struggling through life...
Trying to stay afloat.
Amongst all these feelings,
Caught in my throat.
Don’t even know who I am anymore...
Not that it really matters.
I am surrounded by war.
A rush of feelings...
I would rather go numb.
But,
That won’t happen...
That bliss won’t come.
This world I see...
Though I wish it,
Will never be.
I am hurting everyone,
Though I do not try...
They have become wary.
I can see it in your eyes.
That trust once seen?
No longer existing.
Somehow...
I hurt them,
They’re no longer resisting.
I always knew it was too good to be true....
And yet,
A spark of hope always kept me float.
How stupid was I?
To even try.
I know how this works,
Hate 'always’' lurks.
I am sick of trying...
I always end up dying.
A little more inside,
Day by day.
I apologize for my need to hide.
I know I messed up...
I am not sure how,
But the gazes I see tell of hate now...
So here is my apology,
Though I don’t know what I’ve done.
I need to run,
Leave this place on earth.
I’ve done more harm than good it seems...
So I will leave,
Becoming a dream.
(2012)
