“I’ve done amazing things for all the wrong people. Imagine what I would do if I met the right person”

Imagine it. I do and I’m certain I’ve found someone who will stay. The only problem is...
Well the problem is that I’m too frightened to do all the right things. I even find myself doing the wrong things or nothing at all. I wonder what’s more preferable:
Doing some wrong things in the hopes that I won’t get hurt because you’ll realize earlier on that I do A LOT of wrong things
Or
Doing nothing. I often have the opportunity to do “the right thing” and also “the wrong thing” but I sometimes do neither and let the moment pass. My regret is growing.
Or
Doing things that I’m not sure what category they go in. Annoying things. Usually annoying things. Sometimes I hope these things are right but I’m often left feeling they’re wrong.
Or..
Would the right thing be preferable? Going the extra mile? Being caring? Is that what I should do?
It doesn’t seem to matter though because I don’t seem to care what I do so long as I remain intact. Safe. Unharmed. Altogether. Sane. Okay. Whole
But would it matter if I retained how whole I was when I’m just fragments of a plate thrown in anger on the floor.
I don’t want it to matter though. I’m tired. Of so many things. I just want to settle into my bones, into my life, and into myself. Even if he’s not necessarily “right” I want him to be. To be right and right for me and that’s how it appears but I can’t stop doing all these things. These things that are not always the right thing. I want to stop doing nothing. I want, so badly, for this to work but I’m too scared. I’m too scared to do what I should
I’m too scared to do the right thing
What’s wrong? Oh. What is wrong with me?
It doesn’t matter how many times I ask or if I even ask at all because I know what it is but I dont think I’ll change. I’ll remain the same in the name of safety.
I’m too SCARED to do the right thing.