getting through rough times after spending two weeks in the hospital

I am so goddamn alone,
I have help and guidance, then its thrown.
I will always be with me,
Alone, without the propper company.
Each minute feels like less or maybe a decade,
Then its compressed.
What is it to feel like you’re not depressed?
It kills me to be broken hearted,
Without a human being, ain’t that retarded?
What is real or not, time to be deported,
To a different life where everything is sorted.
Baby steps, but I want the answer,
Why let people slowly die with cancer?
Let the body take its natural course,
Yet I’d rather smoke weed, I heard it from a source.
They ignore, but they’ll help when you’re there,
I just want to die to be prepared.
Sinning then I am scared.
Itching then its flared.
Is this a sexual mentor or deviant,
Aint this goddamn convenient.
Just want proper human contact, yet I am afraid of myself,
The holiest of happiness is truly the only wealth.
Gotta stay sly sneaky and stealth.
True, emotions come out and I’ve lost my health.
I just want to be loved yet be by myself.
I’ll see the truth once I get on my toes and look up at that top shelf.
Yet I’m down below all alone by myself.

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Ada Pardo Gee
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