Chasing After Dinosaurs
There are three different kinds of people on this Earth; a bunch of idiots who don’t know nothin’ and don’t wanna know nothin’. Then there are those who think they know everything about dinosaurs and don’t know squat. Then there is me who knows everything about them and can back up my expertise. After all, I have had several of them for pets throughout my life.
Now take this for example. Suppose you see some dude running past your cave shouting, “Uga munga oopsa doopa uga uga boo boo.” That means in Cave Man talk, “Get your ass movin’ man. There’s a dinosaur running toward your tribe. Grab your spears, battle axes, sling shots, stones, and whatever ya got, and run back inside your cave and hide.”
Actually he don’t know squat about them. They just want to be petted and want to be your pet. If you give them any indication that you want to harm them, they’ll start crying. Did you ever hear a dinosaur cry before? “Whooga, whooga, whoopa, baw, baw!” They sound like a drunken hippopotamus in heat. You can hear them two mountains away. All the poor thing needs is just a little loving.
If you can see past that ugly face, those slimy yapping jaws, that funky scaly skin, that tail that looks like a flapping whale, and those humungous feet, they are quite handsome deep down inside. You can even teach them how to sit up, speak, and fetch the stick that you throw. You can even sleep with them if the both of you can fit on the bed. Besides being good friends, they are great pets.
So, the next time you hear a crying dinosaur outside your cave, invite it in if he can fit through the doorway. Offer it something to eat and if it is thirsty break open a bottle of your finest cognac. Don’t be a cheap bastard. Then you both can sit around enjoying each other’s company.
That dude that thinks he knows all about dinosaurs is full of crap. He doesn’t know half as much as I do. Remember this. When you see a dinosaur running around, it isn’t going to chase after you, and you shouldn’t chase after it. You don’t want to scare the hell out of it. It just wants to be loved and petted just like all humungous reptilian animals do. Be kind to it and please don’t make it cry.
